Sure, in the big scheme of things, your death amounted to little more than padding the movie’s body count, but at least the way the killer turned your intestines into balloon animals looked cool.įUNERAL: Held during Sunday brunch at Red Lobster Tyler Perry booked for a five-minute appearance as MadeaĪ regular ol’ knife to the gut? Really, doesn’t anyone take pride in homicide anymore?įUNERAL: Held during Thursday early bird dinner at Hooters Lance Crouther booked for a five-minute appearance as Pootie Tang Bummer.įUNERAL: Eulogy given by either Oprah Winfrey or Gayle King, whoever is more available and cost-effective You were this close to being the hero you made it to the final showdown with the Big Bad, but it turns out you were the sidekick all along. This sort of devotion to the White star might seem a bit Uncle Tom-ish to some, but within the context of the movie, it’s as prominent a death as a Black supporting character can get.įUNERAL: 21–Nerf gun salute Charlie Puth performs “See You Again” White hero adopts your children If you’re gonna go out, it may as well be a death of Black Jesus–level sacrificial proportions, like using your blood to cure a global pandemic or blowing up the comments section of YouTube.įUNERAL: 21-gun salute casket filled with glazed donuts for the afterlife Wiz Khalifa performs “See You Again” Here’s the range of what you can expect, from best to worst. Not all deaths are created equal, after all. Sometimes the best you can do is hope that the inevitable death is a good one: one that’s memorable, integral to the plot, and/or worthy of martyrdom instead of ridicule. Anyone who habitually roots for Black characters to survive horror movies is used to disappointment.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |